(1) One side of the coin....
"Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth's sake." Psm.115:1.
We are all born with a destiny, determined by God's own sovereign will and His foreknowledge of our own free will choices.
From before my beginning, my Creator knew exactly what my life would consist of and what I would think, say and do ... good or bad. He did not program me to do His will or to do evil, but gave me a mind, a predisposition and a will to choose. I have not always done the perfect will of God, even when I knew it. I cannot even say I always did my best to do the will of God. Nor can I say I always tried to do my best. But I can honestly say, I tried to try to do my best.
I was not the son I could have been if I had simply done my best, but I tried to try to be a son of honor to my parents. Neither was I the husband or father I could and should have been... if I had done my best. I always tried to try to be a good husband and father, but I faltered many times. And more importantly, I was not always the Christian I could have, and absolutely should have been ... God knows that better than I. He also knows, and always has known, that I would never rise to the heights of goodness and faithfulness He set before me, as other, greater men of God have obviously accomplished, walking more closely to Him.
In addition to my great God's foreknowledge of my few successes and many failures, He has always known that my fluctuating commitment to Him was, for me, an effort to even try to try to always do His will with my life.
In these last days of my time on this earth, I am peacefully content, because I know He loves me, to give account of myself to Him. I have His word in my heart that "By grace, through faith, I am saved and that not of myself; it is His gift to me, not of my works, lest I should be vainly boastful."
It is not through humility that I cannot boast of any positive accomplishments, but because I have more often failed than succeeded and have done nothing worth while which God, Himself, did not do through me... a simple by-stander and witness to His greatness and goodness.
(2) The other side of the coin....
"For a dream cometh through the multitude of business; and a fool's voice is known by multitude of words." Ecc.5:3.
Only God knows the worth or worthlessness of my busy life. Even I do not know, but He has always known before the beginning of time and I shall give an accounting for all I have done and haven't done ... and so shall we all.
I write these words to be read, by whomever passes by, that nobody who looks upon my life and ministry and the things I may be given credit or blame for, will understand that all the glory belongs to God and all the blame belongs to me. So do not seek to live up to what you may think that I am ...."But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matt.6:33. Seek to be Christlike. Jesus is the standard. His likeness is the goal.
The Apostle Paul wrote a similar avowal and confession in Romans 7. Read it. RB
Romans 7:14 For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
Romans 7:15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Romans 7:16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
Romans 7:17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Romans 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but howto perform that which is good I find not.
Romans 7:19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Romans 7:20 Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Romans 7:21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Romans 7:22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
Romans 7:23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Romans 7:24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Romans 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
